In our previous post: Getting Help From Your Adoptive Parents and Family, we mentioned that if your adoptive family members are willing to help you with your search for your birth mother, by all means approach them and obtain as much detail as possible!  Write a list of everything you want to cover.  At the very minimum you’ll want to ask…

1. Why did my birth mother give me up?
2. What were the ages of my birth parents?  Dates of birth?
3. Where were my birth parents born, and where did they reside at the time of my adoption?
4. Were they from the same area where I was born?  Name of hospital where I was born?
5. What are the nationalities of my birth parents?  Were my grand parents living?
6. Educational background of my birth parents and grand parents?
7. Occupation(s) and social history of birth parents and grand parents?  Any siblings?
8. Were my birthparents married, divorced?  Previous marriages?
9. Religion of birth parents?
10. Was I in a foster home?  How long?  Who were my foster parents?
11. How long between my relinquishment and placement?
12. Was my mother in a maternity home?  Did she see and hold me?  Was she counseled before/after delivery or signing?  Color of parent’s hair/eyes?  Their height/weight?
13. Did my birthparents have brothers/sisters?  What ages?  Birthmother’s first name and initial?  Birthfather’s?
14. Did she name me?  What name?  Were my birth parents active in school activities?  What kind?
15. How much did I weigh at birth?  Has my birthmother or any birth family member ever contacted you?  Do you have any letters, photos, or mementos? 
16. Name of social worker who handled my placement?  Date adoption was finalized?   What court(s) initiating, finalizing? 
17. Do you have a copy of my family decree for adoption? If not, what legal proof did you have to show that you were my parents?

Your interview may go in many directions.  You may be told something that surprises you, and you may forget to ask everything that you had planned.  So, be sure to cover all the questions that you have on your list.  Just remember this very important fact:  YOUR ADOPTING PARENTS AND/OR OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS MAY KNOW MORE ABOUT YOUR ADOPTION THAN THEY CARE TO REVEAL.  So, you may have to question them more than once.  Do whatever it takes to get all the facts. If you don’t believe that you will get much co-operation from your adoptive family, you’ll have to use a different tactic.  Over time, casually approach your family members and ask for small tidbits of information about your past.  Make sure you do this over a period of time, not all at once!  We know that it will be stressful to not ask for everything right away, but you have to remain patient. You can’t appear to be asking for information that will allow you to find your birth mother.  Just act mildly curious–interested about your roots or medical background.  Remember, you only need a minimal amount of identifying information to complete a successful search!  Please read our prior post:  Birth Mother Search - Obtaining Necessary Identifying Information.